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In Between

How to waste time and other useful lessons

 

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Here’s a list to make myself feel less guilty about waking up very early to do nothing. It’s the Proust Questionnaire –

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Starting the day early

What is your most marked characteristic?
Laughing without intending to

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Saying haha to self-pity

What is your greatest fear?
That my grandmother will lose her memory

What historical figure do you most identify with?
Mickey Mouse

Which living person do you most admire?
Dominique Bretodeau

Who are your heroes in real life?
The women I met at the Dalit Women’s Conference.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Capacity for wasting time

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Capacity for wasting other people’s time

What is your favorite journey?
Science to Arts

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Patience

Which word or phrases do you most overuse?
Savarna fuckers, Brahmin bhurjis.

What is your greatest regret?
That for the longest time, I didn’t like myself

What is your current state of mind?
Elaichi

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
Make them Buddhists

What is your most treasured possession?
On most days, the ability to shit well

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Wanting bad things to happen to other people

Where would you like to live?
In an old and crumbling Portuguese home in Goa

What is your favorite occupation?
Popping bubble wrap

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Ability to laugh at men

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Ability to laugh at themselves

What are your favorite names?
Goldie and Dimpy

What is your motto?
Write like a Motherfucker

Categories
In Between

Bliss

My summer vacation has officially begun and this is a list of things I am going to make myself look forward to with mind numbing enthusiasm.

  • Finally got hold of a desktop. It’s a Dell something something. It is taking care of my movie/music/TV show catching up. Also got a printer/copier/scanner thingy. It’s a relief to know that I don’t have to go looking for a printout shop. Ever.
  • My room. I don’t know if it is the madness of last year or that I finally have a place to wear shorts and just chill in life, but when I get back home every night, I feel happy knowing that I am going to crash in my bed soon even though all it has is a table fan.
  • I feel stupid saying this but I am beginning to see how busy the city can keep me if I just give it the chance. Even if it means going to Lalbagh on a Saturday evening and looking at the bloody birds. And the bloody trees.
  • I feel stupider saying this but in this whole process of growing up, I have forgotten what it’s like to watch movies and plays in theatres. I have only myself to blame for this. Bangalore is thriving with plays, cinema, talks, art and the whole thing. It has always thrived and I don’t know why I was dead for so long but I feel great now just being in the city and knowing that Kala Soudha and Rangashankara are so close to Basavangudi and that Alliance and Guru Nanak Bhavan are so close to K.
  • GLEN’S. I have found the Yin to my Yang, the Ki to my Ka. Good food, better than Parisian, and best iced tea. One of those places where they’ll leave you alone. Last week, I settled down there with my netbook and watched Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara for 3 straight hours. And then a couple more writing about the movie. And they just kept bringing me cold water.
  •  My reading and writing didn’t die as I suspected it would over April. Tipping the Velvet brought with it my lost London mania, The story of a Widow taught me how to just let go and write, Where there’s smoke is teaching me what I ignored in my childhood.
  • My traveling plans in May are giving me the happies. I am looking at 4 possible trips, which means that if I am alive by the end of May, I have something to write about.
  • People saying mean things about my blog makes me want to write more. So I am sending you much love from here. Keep it going.
  • Grey’s Anatomy. Two episodes down. I should listen to Mintu more often and just watch shit when she tells me to watch.
  • GILMORE GIRLS REVIVAL.
  • I have a renewed interest in shopping for clothes. Bless you, summer. And skirts.
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In Between

In One Year

Normally, a post like this comes at the end of the year when I have screwed up enough to want to move out of the city, when I have embarrassed myself in front of people I could only imagine saying hello to, and when I have been led to realizations about myself that aren’t too kind. But this hasn’t been a normal year for me. Or maybe I have only just begun to see it as normal. How else do I see a semester that is half filled with accomplishments and half with rejections? But here’s what I discovered.

  1. I can move on quickly and at times, guiltlessly. This has been both liberating and frightening to deal with.
  2. My best days have been days when I am able to write, read, watch a movie and each of these when I am not at home.
  3. The beginning of holidays, which for me mean invigilation and valuation depress the crap out of me.
  4. Love is no longer an immediate priority.
  5. I don’t like writing for other people. It makes me nervous.
  6. If the people that I am fond of are by my side, I don’t seem to care about who and how many are fucking me over.
  7. I am able to get over a bad class, a worse semester after a lot of whining, writing, and rum.
  8. Writing is therapeutic to the extent that it’s an immediate mood-fixer, no matter how crabby and insecure I am.
  9. Talking to my girls, another mood-fixer.
  10. Happiness is an effort on some days. Effort to do Yoga, to think of something to write, to write, to prepare for classes, to say no. Most other days, it’s the ability to say fuck you and let go.
  11. It’s easier than I thought to own my day. I just need to tweak things a little bit.
  12. Remaining angry with parents is energy-draining. They can look for all the engineer/IAS grooms they want to but they can’t drug me and take me to the mantap. And as long as I am safe in that knowledge, I can afford to be less militant.
  13. Holding a grudge against someone is the most boring thing to do. Smiling and living, on the other hand, the healthier option. And not boring at all.
  14. Defending myself from hate/ gossip is too much work and so mainstream man. Also, if I do it once, I will have to keep doing it. Singing the loudest, happiest song I know at the top my lungs is something I have never done and waiting to do.
  15. I like big lists and I cannot lie. I should do it more often just so I write.