I feel gripped by some sense of responsibility every time I write my blog. This doesn’t happen when I write in my journal. I think I know why this happens. What is annoying is why I’m not able to shake that feeling off. I shouldn’t be feeling responsible. I wish I were a more carefree writer. I wish I wrote here more often. I wish I was a better planner. College reopens in 4 days and I haven’t done anything that I had vowed I would. Planning my writing schedule, my classes, my reading, my money, my budget. Nothing.
This is my 2 complaint here and the millionth, in general.
Anyway, I feel really calm today. Apart from carrying a good trip hangover, I’m mildly excited about completing one year at work. I still have trouble believing I work where I do. I feel recklessly under-confident when I keep telling myself that I bagged my dream job. I don’t think I’ll ever feel super confident. Anyway, I cannot wait to get back to work, even if it means I cannot laze around in bed after waking up, even if it means I cannot drink on weekdays.
I just wish I could make more of all the liberties I have given myself. I want to be more connected to the outer world. I have this pathetic tendency to take my feelings too seriously and keep swirling and melting in them until something new happens. I want to think more, imagine less. I want to write more and plan about writing, less. I want to look around and be better at routes and directions. For that to happen I seriously need to yank my earphones off and look outside while I travel. I need to take the bus more often. I need to look more carefully, listen more carefully and register all these so I can write better.